I'm a shirt tugger. You know, that girl you see in public who is always adjusting her shirt? That's me. Why do I do this? To keep myself COVERED. We've all seen the girls out there who display the muffin top, the ones who wear their pants a size too small and you can't help but wonder how they can even breathe! I'm not that girl. I like my tops flowy b/c it hides me better. I see many cute outfits but because how my body is shaped, of course it doesn't look right on me. I have small legs and someone with my waist must apparently have larger legs because finding jeans that fit my legs AND waist....HARD!!! I love wearing skirts but again, I go with the flowy top b/c it hides the spare tire or whatever the trendy word is for that :)
So today, I'm going to make a vow to try to step away from the flow and go with the flattering. I'm realizing that it's much more than just the body but my mind needs a journey as well. I don't see how I can grow if I continuously hold onto these old feelings and paranoia. I'm not an individual who hides from social settings, in fact I love people. But I will confess something, even though I know it's not true I always feel as though all eyes are on me when I'm in public. Maybe there are some eyes on me but in my mind, I'm always thinking it's for negative reasons.
Just last week I stopped into a local gas station for some bubble gum (yes, you read that right) and this elderly man in front of me turns around and said "Miss, did you just come from the beauty parlor?" I turned around to see who was behind me because surely he wasn't talking to ME. No, he WAS talking to me. "Excuse me?" "I asked if you just came from the beauty parlor because you are a very pretty young lady." Asians aren't big blushers but I'm pretty sure I turned red. Now rather than enjoying this moment of flattery guess what my mind did, it panicked because suddenly everyone in the vicinity of this conversation turned to look at me. I always handle myself very well, but inside I wanted to crawl into hole.
THIS MUST STOP! The very first step in most personal journeys is to take control of your mind. Let go of the past, look to the future. Don't let those demons take you down! That's part of my journey, smashing those demons down to the ground and seeing myself as my friends see me. This is going to be one sweet ride